If our lives were so perfect as the fairy tale predicts then our white picket fences might not have some chipped off paint and boards that need repair. But only a few lucky ones get that fairy tale of the life framed in white picket perfection, and the rest of us…well, we have the reality of things that just sometimes simply don’t feel fair, or that stretch our hearts to their very farthest imaginings… And sometimes that reality is hard for this fairy tale believing, and somewhat hopelessly optimistic, romantic. But as I grow I watch the truth of living on this earth unfold it’s sometimes very daunting messages in my own life, and in the lives of those that I love… And as time has gone on I haven’t lost any of that wishful thinking about the sweet innocence of white picket fences, but I have developed a different respect for those boards that need some attention, and appreciation for those that are still looking pretty fine.

This brings me to day#2 in the tiny orb of my life and the ‘Ordinary Days Project’… And how that fairy tale dream can be busted into shattered pieces…Five years ago today a father, a lover, a dear friend of so many, passed very suddenly over the rainbow bridge and onto the next great adventure. Too young and too amazing to leave his wife, his son, his community, this life….so soon…

Since she lost Alan on that cool January night I have sat by Jenny’s side many times and held her, as tears soaked the rim of my shirt collar and her heart wavered in my arms…I have imagined how impossible this must be for her as I gave her my seemingly modest offerings of comforting love…and as I struggled to keep my own two feet below me, my knees trembling inside with the weight before them, I stood holding her…not knowing what else to do…And over the last five years I have continued to be so deeply humbled by her journey. A journey of healing that nothing can make easier… not time, not space, not a single thing can make it any different than it is, nothing beyond her own evolution with it will change the patterns that have imprinted upon on her heart…But I have watched as she has bravely taken her soul and thrown it with tenacious conviction into the flames of her loss…and allowed it consume her…allowed it to release her…and allowed herself to discover a new being within…I have been watching as the phoenix is finding it’s way, feather by feather, out of the fire. And yet too, how some days can still feel so raw, and split right open again…How some days can feel like square one all over again.

And sometimes I feel helpless in what I can do for her… Sometimes I pray silently that this experience will never be mine to have…Some days we don’t speak about it, but I know it’s a part of her every breathe….And amongst it all there’s some days we dance together…so many days really, that we giggle like children, innocent to anything other than the hilarity of what’s right before them…In great celebration of all the beauty beyond this suffering…

But today is not one of those days… And why Miss Jenny is the second recipient to this project’s humble love… I can’t tell you how Jenny felt when I showed up on her doorstep with an explosion of gerber daisies, butterfly wings and the essence of eucalyptus leaves permeating the space…that is her’s to say…but I can tell you that my heart welled to enormous levels, filling some of the quiet cracks and crevices inside…It swelled…as she told me about her day, and the letter she was writing to Alan when I arrived…and the stories that letter contained…I could see them light up in her eyes…reflections on old tool boxes and a five string guitar graced it’s pages, with a sweetness I could have listened to for days…To have that moment of celebrating his life, his essence, and how it shines through into her days was something quite beautiful to hold…

And I know this project is about stepping outside my own tiny orb, and adding some sparkle to someone else’s journey along the web…and it seems inevitable that some of the first hearts I touch are those already near to me…and that I will have a mixed bag of emotions along the way ahead…but, oh boy…there’s something so profound about when that venture is to those so close the epicenter of your existence…no matter if it’s just a simple bundle of flowers and butterfly wings trying to repair a loose fence board…Flowers for Miss Jenny